Fat Ass Talk

Fat Ass Talk

At a dinner party a few nights ago something was said, that I knew my husband would feel bad about, so my first thought when I heard it, was to try to send a telepathic message to him, “Nicky don’t listen, it may be true or exaggerated whichever it is realize the source it comes from!”  

I am not going to mention what the comment was because I don’t want to embarrass anyone.  Yet I do want to bring up how we have become a group of braggers, we stretch the truth, over exaggerate, along with speaking to each other with no regard, for the sole purpose of a self pat on the back.  

I call it The Fat Ass Talk!  

Folks it is beyond bragging – and it is everywhere – In the news, Twitter, Facebook, Goodreads, Pinterest, at dinner parties, in the office, at schools, at the supermarkets, at the wineries, at a beer craft festival, at a concert, by the shore – any shore, in a mall, at home , at church, and on E-bay; (Score I just sold my android that fell in the toilet, was chewed up by Rover and accidently sautéed in broccoli rabe, for five hundred trillion dollars!)

We are living in a world where modesty has disappeared and bragging rights are our communicative means.  A few months ago I actually heard someone bragging about how their CD collection is in alphabetical order; WHAT! My friend this does not warrant boasting conversation and it certainly does not fall in the; I’m so anal that I…category; it is simply an organizational skill that is necessary.  

These types of comments separate us as a community. I believe that as a society we should rally for each other, not be a stand-by and listen to the toot of a horn only to respond with a louder honk and claim it is French.  It has become the life line for many of us. Is it wrong? Not sure but it is annoying, especially at a dinner party everyone is speaking in tongues and no one is really listening to anyone talking.  Perhaps our social networking has anesthetized us because we are able to say what we feel without eye contact.  At the adults table we are sharing nothing except the wonderful things that we purchase, the large amount of money we are making selling our crap on E-Bay, trying to be witty and comical  and no one actually asks how are you anymore and if it is asked we respond with a quick “Good, good and you!”  The kids table isn’t as fun as I remembered it , with games of spoons, blinking contests, arm wrestles, annoying the parents, demanding food, making concoctions with leftovers and oh I don’t know actual conversations. Go to any restaurant today and look for a large family outing where they have separated the kids from the adults, I can certainly bet that the kids are texting or playing some game on one of their handheld gadgets; we have a rule in my family no gadgets outside the home, but that only makes them feel left out; imagine that they feel left out of being left out.  

So is it wrong to mention a girl’s night out, a congratulatory wish, a child’s accomplishment, and a well deserved vacation? Probably not and most likely these comments aren’t really considered arrogant which reminds me that  I am writing about Fat Ass Talk – which is the spawn of boasting – hey bragging was not invented when Facebook reached its 2 million, it has been  around for centuries and I’m sure if the person who invented the wheel  had Facebook , that person would have posted something  like check out my new invention,  bragging  that it can move in circles; while the inventor of the rope has a few ideas that the wheel maker can do with the wheel.  Of course I speak in jest and ultimately I cannot help but feel that all these ancient inventions was invented because a society, community, a group of people needed them and it was a necessity that forgoes any braggadocios comments .  So is it necessary to boast our accomplishments? A Harvard study believes that it is rewarding and it makes us feel the same pleasurable feelings we receive from food, money and sex.

So we need more Fat Ass talk, right? Maybe it’s a good thing to feel good about ourselves; a self pat on the back is needed every so often but then again… Fat Ass Talk can be vicious! I want more eye contact again, we need to feel empathy when we are about to boast about the many wonderful things in our lives; chances are the person reading your post, about I don’t know, the cupcake you are about to eat is trying to lose another 5 pounds. I want us to be modest again and, can I say it, somewhat discreet.    Nothing  is sacred anymore not even our friendships, if we all feel the need to announce every  hoot we do, or have just to self-soothe, is it because we are losing contact with physical friendships…hmm something to think about!  

Bragging we will do, it is inevitable; I will brag too…in fact I have bragged many times about my one triumph, how my husband and I after 25 years of marriage adopted a brother and sister from Russia, traveled over 15 time zones, to have them in our lives and be their mommy and daddy; to me that is a big deal and I feel I have earned my bragging rights! Wow such an entitlement that I bestowed upon myself.  I love telling everyone how I am a new mom and the last two years have been accompanied with my wonderful son that is 11 and my beautiful daughter of 9!

However that is where it stops because as I am speaking I hear that voice in my head that scream; WHAT! You are the worse mother on the face of the earth; being a mom is frustrating, you are completely occupied with guilt and filled with worries, and have admitted many times how you don’t enjoy yourself anymore.  Yeah that is all true but if I don’t brag then how the heck am I going to believe it actually occurred.  Which is something else to think about, do we Brag and Fat Ass Talk to convince ourselves of the wonderful life we are living, and the amazing you that you are?  Do you know the difference when you are saying, posting, and tweeting something so obnoxious whether declared or implied that it is overbearing and showing excessive pride? Whatever it is please let’s keep in mind some grace and agree to handle each other with care!

Thank You for reading!